.birth control.

Now, I have been a birth control user for 10 years.

OMG! Yes – that is a long time.

The day before my honeymoon the pharmacy informed me that my prescribtion had “run out” and I was without refills…..

“Whatever” I thought. If I get pregnant, then I get pregnant.

Needless to say, I didn’t, but the cramps that are here…..

I can not even begin to explain the pain.

It’s like my body is getting back at me for being on the pill for so long.

Hopefully it won’t be like this next time.

We decided to say the “heck” with birth control.

When the Lord decides it’s time for the Ertle’s to have a baby.

We will 🙂

It’s so nice to have a husband who’s as excited as I am at the thought of having a child.

What is so funny is that we aren’t “trying” but we’re not “preventing”

Does that make sense?!

Really, who knows how long it will take for my body to start ovulating again. I just met a woman who didn’t for two years after she got off the pill……

.being single – being married.

I recently went and visited my good friend Kim who lives in Dallas.

I met her when I moved to Missouri in early 2006. We were friends for about 6 weeks and ever since I left we have always kept in touch. I hadn’t seen her in over two years…..

It was time for a visit.

We went out every night, shopped during the day, out to lunch, chilled at the pool, went to the movies and were in CONSTANT motion. I realized if we ever lived together we’d be the BEST roomates ever.

Her and I are alot alike in alot of ways, it cracks me up.

I hadn’t been out without my Kevin for at least two years and before that I never really went “out” too often.

Not only is it exhausting, but men really are disgusting.

I usually have Kevin there with me, and no one really messes with me. We all get to chill, laugh and have fun.

When Kim and I went out, it was totally different. It was as if we weren’t “allowed” to do such a thing.

Men kept coming up to us, talking, buying drinks and more talking.

It kinda made me laugh because I had forgotten what it was like to have someone hit on me.

Hardly ANY people in Dallas had tattoos, so I got stared and talked about ALOT this weekend.

That made me laugh too.

I had TONS of fun with Kim, but after the second night I thought to myself “Being single is exhausting like this, I could not handle it.”

I kept thinking about how I couldn’t wait to get home, cuddle with my Kevin and watch some 90210….

following that up with some sleepy time at 10pm.

I had fun this past weekend. It felt kinda like my “girls weekend”.

My last “hoo-rah” before I get married.

I missed my Kevin so much while I was away. It was painful.

We are never apart, and the four days I was gone felt like two weeks. I love my man.

He is my best friend 🙂

.things always work out.

i keep hearing that

“things always work out, it’ll be okay”

Granted, my life isn’t over.

I have somewhere to live.

I have people in my life who truly love me.

I am loved by the funniest and sweetest man I have ever met.

He truly loves me, for me.

He loves the me that I love.

stress is taking over my life

I need it to go away

.nowish.

suggestions?!

.having children.

there is no doubt in my mind that I want to have kids….

But – I sometimes doubt “when” that exactly is.

I spend almost 8 hrs a day with approximately 100 or so 11yr olds. On the average day I have a good time, and it’s currently the end of the school year so they wear me out way way more than usual. They are so hyper and can’t help but speak louder than normal. I really believe it’s the warmer weather too.

I am tired now and all I do is keep up with myself and Kevin.

How am I supposed to keep up with kids too?!

.ONC Cards.

What is an ONC Card you may ask?!

ONC = Old Navy Card

They are obsessed with these at Old Navy.

Basically it’s a store credit card. You can use it at their store, Gap and Banana Republic.

I started cashiering about a month ago and they seriously cram it down your throat, everyday….

“Ok, we got 4 cards today, we need 10….So you really need to push it, get them to sign up!!”

I feel this pressure, like if I don’t get people to do it that they will see me as a bad employee.

Yesterday they were seriously talking about it NON-STOP because they were 15 cards away from their monthly goal. Should I mention that they haven’t met their monthly goal in over a year?!

Out of all the shifts I have worked so far, there has only been one where I couldn’t get someone to sign up.

The most I have gotten in one shift is 3. And that was yesterday.

I started to think, “Working a sales job would be the worst thing ever, what if my paycheck depended on how many ONC’s I got??”

Really – Sales people, I feel sorry for you. Now, not the ones that get a base salary and just make “commission”. I’m talking about those who if you don’t meet your “goal” you get paid like $7.00 an hour or something stupid like that. I feel stress about selling a card that means NOTHING to my paycheck. I just want to be seen as “a bomb diggity worker”, so I try to get cards. What if I HAD to get them otherwise I didn’t get paid?? Could you imagine the stress…..OMG, I get a small bit of stress even thinking about it.

Salesmen or WOMEN are crazy…..

GO YOU!!!

I would much rather have a classroom full of 11 yr olds 🙂

Speaking of my 11 yr olds, the other day they were trying to say “tenticle” and kept saying “testicle”. So when I got mad at them they were saying to me “NO Miss!!! It’s not bad, we learned it in science it’s those things that come off the Ocotopus, it’s arms or whatever!” While the boy is saying this he wiggling his arms around like an Octopus and showing me how they come off it’s stomach…..

BAHAHAHAHHAHHA!!!!

Then like 20 mins later he proceeded to tell me how he pissed off his Reading teacher so badly that she pulled at her hair, screamed, made her eyes bug out and began to shake the chair he was sitting in and screaming for him to get up. He responded to her “Gosh Miss, No need to scream, I’m sitting right here.” Then she says to him, “THAT’S IT YOU’RE GETTING A REFERRAL!!!” Then he points to his face and says “Is this a face that looks like it cares”

BAAAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA! Omg I couldn’t stop laughing when they were telling me this. Three other kids said “yeah, she has no idea how to put her foot down”

It’s sad they actually can “see” that then take advantage.

Those poor teachers……secretly I laugh at them cause it’s their own stupid fault.

.skinny jeans.

I have often seen people wearing these “skinny jeans” and I always wonder…

“How can jeans THAT tights not only be comfortable, but how come I don’t see a muffin top?!”

Old Navy got some CUTE skinny jeans in a few days ago, so I decided to ponder the idea of trying them on. A girl standing with me was actually wearing skinny jeans and I began to question her about them.

She actually said they were comfortable and that they were “stretchy”.

I must admit, they look cute…..

ON THIN PEOPLE!!

What is up with these thick or big women wearing “skinny jeans”???

I mean, HELLO, the name says it all “skinny”, that is who wears them…..skinny folk.

Even I am not considered skinny because I my phat butt, yes my actual butt, is too big for that kind of tightness……

So…more power to the “skinny ones” who can pull that mess off…

.i am jealous.

“I only thought it for a split second.”

Since November 2006 I have lost about 25 lbs or so. Now, seriously that doesn’t seem like alot but I went from a size 12/14 to a 8/10. Not only do I feel better about myself, but my lifestyle has totally changed for the better and I hope that my future children will benefit from this since food has and probably will always be a HUGE struggle for me.

I have tattoos, and some would say alot, but I think they are just large so people get freaked out at times.

People always stare at me, more now since I got my arm done. I’m pretty much used to it.

Now people are staring at me WAY more than they used to  6 months ago.

Of course more men are coming up to me to talk to me about my “tattoo”. One Spanish guy who could barely speak English told me last Wednesday night….”I dont’ know why people get those tattoos, but yours oh gosh, it is just so sexy.” Then he rubbed the tattoo!!  I busted out laughing so hard and he just stared at me.

Then Kevin says to me when I get back to the table, “Um, what the heck!! Why did that guy rub your arm?!”

Last night we are eating at the same pizza place.

I went to the bathroom.

When I got back, this is our conversation:

Kevin: I have noticed that people stare at you way more now that you’ve lost weight.

Ashley: Yeah, did you see that guy talking to me while you were ordering our food?

Kevin: NO! What guy?!

Ashley: That one over there *pointing* he works here. He was asking me about my tattoo.

Kevin: Sure he was. I mean, some guys I just wanna yell out “UMMM hello! are you trying to break your neck!” And as you were leaving for the bathroom, I thought for a split second….I wish she was big again. Then, I realized that was stupid.

Ashley: OMG!! hahahha

Now, we continued talking about how he should be excited that men are looking at his girl.

Then he says to me “Well, since you’re looking really hot now, you need to start acting right.”

hahahha – how about Morgan’s hubby said that to her when she got her boobies “If you’re gonna look like a trophy wife, you can’t burp and stuff”

Men crack me up.

How dare him even THINK that he wanted me big again so men wouldn’t look at me.

I’m glad it only took him about 2 seconds to figure out how stupid that thought was.

He cracked me up with that last night.

.welfare abuse.

I was working at Old Navy and just thinking about how people abuse our welfare system.

I feel like there are “two types” of abusers:

1. Those who lie on forms to get the type of assistance they “want”. They in turn buy things they obviously don’t need, and use their money to get materialistic things.

i.e. Using food stamps to buy $20 steaks. Using food stamps to buy candy for the purpose of selling. Throwing a fit in the store because you can’t buy a fountian drink with your food stamps.

Not only are these people completely stupid, but they are wasting tax payers money.

Our education system is SO poor in FL right now, why not put a tighter rein on this and help educate our future leaders?!

 

2. Those people who have a whole clan full of children, continue to have them and then claim “God is providing” through welfare.

I know of some who can actually afford their health insurance, but “choose” to get Medicaid so they can have “extra money”. That is NOT the purpose of the system.

Or I was actually told about three weeks ago, “gurl, you don’t need money to have kids, they will give you EVERYTHING!! The more kids you have, the more money you get”

Why do people continue to have kids when they cannot afford the ones they already have?! If the government is giving you money because you continue to have children after you are already using tax payers money, then why keep having kids?! I mean is “God” really providing?! I feel like I am providing. My paycheck is providing those abusers and it bothers me.

My sister, Morgan, was recently and randomly given a check for 3K because “God told the guy to do it”. Now, THAT is God providing. One time Morgan and Eddy didn’t have money to buy groceries, then Sharon “just so happened” to stop by and fill up their pantry. THAT is God providing.

I don’t believe welfare is “God providing” if you purposefully abuse it.

When you continue to milk a system that is created for the “needy”, God isn’t providing anything for you. The taxpayers of America are.

Yes – there are people who for real need it and don’t abuse it.

I know this, but all I ever see or hear about are the abusers.

.snack attack.

I am suffering from a severe snack attack this evening.

From experience the past 6 months adjusting my lifestyle and in turn losing 26 lbs and counting….

Give in to the occasional snack attack.

As long as they aren’t a “daily” or “weekly” occurence.

Sometimes you just WANT it!!

I have had snack attacks in the past, not given into them. Eaten other things such as, fruit, yogurt, drank water, but I still wanted that one “snack” and I ended up eating it eventually.

Now I realize, just eat it. As long as you don’t do it all the time, you’re OK.

I am envious of those who just eat whatever they want, how much they want, and never gain a pound.

I won’t mention names, but their initals are: Morgan.

Snack Attack indulgence this evening: funfetti brownies – YUM!

.antm winner – Whitney.

I have a few TV shows that I watch on a weekly basis. Here is the quick run down:

1. America’s Next Top Model

2. Hell’s Kitchen

3. Lost

4. Criminal Minds

5. The Office

6. My Name is Earl

P.S. I have DVR – otherwise I’d never remember to watch these shows.

My all time favorite reality show is ANTM. I am not sure why. I mostly think it stems from me having “weight issues” my entire life and I like to see these cute little skinny thangs try to make it in the “modeling world”. When I was younger, I mean real younger, between 8-14, I convinced myself that I was made for “bigger things”, that I was gonna really “be somebody” one day. I felt this ever pressing need to prove people wrong.

Alas, none of that happened. I didn’t “be anything” except what any average American is these days.

With that said, I watched the finale of ANTM.

Whitney won.

Not only is she the SECOND winner from the Jacksonville area, she is the first “full figured” or “plus sized” model to ever win.

She is a size 10. The average model is a size 2. Most clothes on runway are size 2.

I actually cried when I watched it.

It made me so happy for women everywhere.

I struggled with my weight my entire life, and everyday is a battle for me. I finally got to a point in my life for the first time were I actually feel “okay” about myself. Yes, now I can always find things to complain about, but for the most part I don’t sit around and “wish I was skinny”. I know what to do if I want to lose more weight, and I am happy being a size 10, sometimes 8 🙂 for now.

Whitney doesn’t even look plus size anything. And it kills me that a size 10 is considered that.

Our society makes perception of fat so misguided. I read somewhere that Marilyn Monroe was a size 12.

My entire life I have been called “thick” “fat” “chubby”.

It started when I hit puberty and got my wonderful child bearing hips, I immediately became “thunder thighs”

In my classroom, I turn into the biggest B you can imagine when kids make fun of each other for being fat.

I am just so proud of Whitney. She did it!! 

She reminded me alot of myself because several times on the show they would say “you have such a pretty face” and I was thinking to myself OMG!! because people used to tell me that ALL the time.

It’s like saying….

“Wow, you’re really pretty and you’d be even prettier if you’d just stop eating and get skinny already, but your fat is making you not so hot.”

High Fives for Whitney Thompson.

Google her. She isn’t fat.